Small Town News #3

 I'm wondering if anyone else in our area caught the latest typo in the recent newspaper:

 

     I have wanted to ask for an editing job of this particular newspaper many times, but I would greatly miss the once-in-awhile laugh I get from their many mistakes. 'Hope this brightened your day...........you'll get that in a small town!

Small Town Festivals

     Every small town has at least one.  That special time of the year when the town celebrates its uniqueness by highlighting some product or hobby that is prevalent in the area.  It is a great opportunity to attract other folks from other communities to your  neck of the woods. 
     A small town festival is made up of many different facets, and each town has it's own special way of celebrating and attracting out of town tourists.  There is usually a theme, whether The Corn Festival, Strawberry Festival, Bluegrass Festival, Watermelon Festival or, as in our town, The Mule Festival.  Each town has their own special area that is their line of expertise.  There is always food of all sorts.  Maybe the Catholic ladies set up a tent to serve meatloaf or home-made beef and noodles, the Lions serve their famous homemade ice cream and the local boy scouts have a lemon-shake-ups stand.  Private vendors also attend hoping to tempt your taste buds with Kettle corn, Funnel cakes, corn dogs and anything else they can batter and  fry up for you.
     Most towns have some sort of a parade through town.  It's always a chance to show off your fancy truck or tractor, or get your business name out there.  Often there are car shows, dog shows, tractor shows, engine shows, baby shows, and any other item you may own and want to show off to try and win the prize.  I honestly never understood the baby shows.  Dress up your little one so people can come by and judge which baby is the prettiest. And, what happens if you don't win?  Sorry, babycakes, you weren't the prettiest?  Hmmm.
     Of course, there are always contests.  We country folk love to compete.  We can haul in our livestock so people can judge whose is the heaviest, and the strongest, and the best looking.  We can haul in our baked and canned goods for people to judge which is the tastiest.  We can haul in our old junk cars and drive them around an arena with a bunch of other junk cars trying to hit each other and see whose will last the longest (which, by the way, is known as a demolition derby).  We can haul in our souped up tractors and pickup trucks and see whose can pull the greatest weight. There are plenty of ways to compete in the country!
   I was recently perusing our local "Shopper" newspaper.  It was crammed full of ads for festivals, since this is the time of year that we celebrate the nearing of school and the end of another farming season.  One particular ad caught my eye:

 

     Seriously?  Just seeing that headline conjures up some disturbing images and some rather unusual questions, like,"Do they provide gloves?" "Does chicken poop make the game somehow more enjoyable?" "Fun for all ages?" Sorry I don't think toddlers should participate. Sometimes I think we country folk try too hard to be rednecks and come up with stunts like this.  Maybe next year I'll see an ad for The Chicken Poop Festival.....but you'll get that in a small town.

She's a gettin' old.........

     Our family vehicle reached a milestone this month.....literally.  The odometer turned over 300,000 miles.  We have been watching the miles go by for several years, counting up to this number.  For some reason this number seems to be the magic number in terms of vehicle age.  Does this mean she has reached full maturity?  Or maybe this means she is officially ready for the automobile nursing home. According to the mileage, we are already on our way back from our trip to the moon. We hope there is a prize for reaching this number, maybe Chevy will send us a new one in exchange for letting them put this one in their museum.

 

     I got to thinking about all the memories we have that include this vehicle.  We bought her when she was only half this age.  She was all shiny and new looking.  She was the newest vehicle we had ever purchased.  We were excited that she had A/C and cruise control--and that both worked at the same time!

     This old girl has been with us through thick and thin.  We've had many an adventure together. Some happy, like family vacations and excursions here and there.  Her worn out carpet has spots of melted crayons and coffee stains, and blemishes from spilled soda.  A lot of her many miles were spent in the happy company of kids singing and playing as we traveled on our merry way whether visiting family, taking a vacation or a field trip. We also spent many a mile discovering new roads and trails in our neck of the woods. There were also many miles that were not so happy. Soon after we got her we started making multiple trips to a doctor a few hours away due to complications with a pregnancy.  If you could use a black light to find tear stains, I 'm sure it would illuminate many such spots as we journeyed, waiting for answers, wondering, hoping, praying.  And then, the journey home after our little 8 day-old daughter passed away.  There were also trips to the emergency room for injuries and accidents.

    

 

     In all of these miles, she has left us stranded only a very few times. On one particular trip to the big city, a bearing went out and we spent 5 hours at an exit (thankfully there was a Dairy Queen and a Walmart there!) waiting for a trailer so we could haul her home. We've gotten used to some of her quirks, like the windshield wipers turning off and on when she decides!  Every once in awhile, we have to tighten the battery cables, but all in all, she runs great!

 

     We've added a few after market accessories to her.  We broke a tail light on one of our other trucks ( identical to this vehicle).  After searching for a replacement, we found we could buy a set of cool "urban" style ones for a third of the price of one new replacement one. So we souped up our family vehicle just for fun!

 

 

     Other accessories that she has gained since we bought her were the snowplow attachment and the bumper sticker.  She became the back-up vehicle when my husband was plowing last winter.  Old trucks often break down and so we needed her to step up and take the place of another plow.  Probably after 24 hours of plowing snow, radio blaring, windows down, forward, reverse, forward, reverse....she was ready to rest! As for the bumper sticker, my husband found this one and couldn't resist.

 

 

 

 

     We have had our nicknames for her through the years.  "Suburban" is a huge mouthful for youngsters, so at one time our little boy called it the "booban".  It is still quite a mouthful when you are hollering at four children to "go get in the suburban", so at times we just call her the "sub" or "burb" or just the "car". When she seems a bit sluggish, the kids have heard me say "C'mon Bessie", though we never gave her an official moniker.

     When something breaks down in the future, which no doubt at her advanced age will happen, we won't replace her, we'll just replace the broken part.  My husband keeps the local auto parts store in business with our fleet of old vehicles and he is a master mechanic, able to fix anything that breaks!

 

     It's rather unusual for such a lengthy blog to be written about one's vehicle, but this is redneck country, and we country folks keep our trucks for long enough that we become quite attached to them.  So, here goes:  Blogs are written by fools like me, but only Chevy will make it to 3 .......

hundred thousand that is............but you'll get that in a small town!



Country Kindness

 We heard the usual approaching sound of vehicles on the front street,

but suddenly we heard the screech of brakes...........

car doors slamming........

excited voices. 

 We anticipated the wail of sirens, but it never came. 

 Upon closer inspection we saw what all the excitement was about:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A turtle in the road was trying to reach the other side.

Both lanes of traffic were stopped as the drivers got out of their cars to move the unsuspecting creature out of danger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Country kindness...........you don't just find it anywhere

.......but you'll get that in a small town!

A Bird in the Trailer is Worth........?

     My husband owns his own business which involves traveling all over the countryside bidding and contracting work at people's homes.  He has seen and heard it all!  Some of my best stories for this blog have come from experiences that he has had in dealing with rural people.
     He often has to deal with rural animals.  Most country dwellers have some kind of animal on their property.  He is usually greeted by some kind of guard dog and often has to wait for the owner to arrive and call off the attacker.  At one job, there was a dog that incessantly stole pieces of aluminum from his trailer and then would attempt to eat it.  The owner was right there and after several episodes of extracting slimy pieces of aluminum from the choking dog's throat, he finally took the animal inside. 

     My husband was also working on a barn a few years ago.  It was a rather large barn....in a field....with some cows.....and a bull.   He and his employee kept as quiet as possible, and as high off the ground as they could while they worked.  Every once in a while they would hear it pawing the ground or snorting very loudly.  I think they broke the seamless gutter install speed record that day.

    This week they experienced a new animal work hazard. They had stopped first thing in the morning to bid on a job in a rural area.  After bidding the first job, they shut up the trailer and headed to the next job about 30 miles away.  They arrived, greeted the owner of the house (and his dog) and opened up the trailer and proceeded to set up their tools.  They suddenly heard the owner shouting, "CHICKEN!!  GET IT OR SHE'LL KILL IT!!!"  They looked up to see a chicken flapping around the yard being chased by the home owner's dog, who was being chased by the frantic homeowner.

 

     Of course, the dog caught the chicken.  The homeowner was incredulous. No one in his neighborhood owned chickens. My husband quickly assured him that he did not keep chickens either.  After speculating, they remembered that there had been chickens at the house they bid that morning.  Obviously, a curious hen saw the open trailer with many nice spots to roost in out of the weather and made herself right at home.  She then proceeded to travel about 30 miles in the pitch dark, then, when she saw daylight again, headed out of the trailer, only to meet her fate. 

    We unfortunately had to change the sign on the trailer that read: "4,547 days without a work related casualty"...............but you'll get that in a small town.

 

 

Amish Antics #2

     Does the auto parts store sell buggy parts??? 

Just wondering....but you'll get that in a small town.

Small Town News #2

I've heard some mighty tall fish tales in my lifetime.......but you'll get that in a small town!