Cattle Rustlers

     I take delight in the simple joys of small town living, especially the old-fashioned values and habits that still are a part of everyday life in a rural area.  I learned this week that even crime is still old fashioned in our area!  I heard a news report this morning that there were a couple of cattle rustlers caught this week.  Yes, this image is what popped into my mind:

    However, I doubt that is what the guys looked like.  They just took advantage of some unsuspecting cows.  Now, you have to understand that cows are pretty dumb animals.  They don't bark or sound an alarm if a stranger comes along.  They don't have the sheep instinct and only follow the shepherd.  If a person comes along and waves at them to move, they move.  And cows are pretty easy to care for. Just give them some room to roam and a field to graze in and they are pretty happy. Take some feed out to them in the winter time and you can leave them alone. 
     I imagine that these two cattle rustlers knew all about that and they hatched a scheme to go to some vast expanse of ranch land and take a few cows away.  It was reported that they took them immediately to the cattle auction where they sold them on the spot and took off with the profit!
     I have been to the cattle auction  a few times in my life.  It looks somewhat like a small amphitheater with steps/seats slanting up three sides of the room. There is a very strong odor of cigarette smoke, leather and of course, cow manure.  In the front of the seating area is a flat floor surrounded by cattle fence and off to one side, an elevated spot where the auctioneer can stand. A door opens and several very scared looking cattle charge in. The floor is a giant scale, so you look up on the wall and there is a "score board" stating the weight of the lot and average weight of each cow.  The auctioneer will name the rancher who is selling them and the type of cows that they are. He will then proceed to auction them off.  I learned quickly to sit very still and not to make a move or I might be the owner of thousands of pounds of hamburger.  These rustlers had to know what they were doing.  Each seller receives a check for the cattle that they sell that day. 
     Cattle rustlers are the reason that cowboys at one time branded their cattle.  They would brand them with the symbol of their ranch to prevent this kind of crime.  The ranch symbol was burned into the flesh of the animal making a permanent mark declaring who the owner was.  Then if the thief attempted to sell it, the buyer could beware of who they were really buying from!  Maybe the cattle ranchers in our area should consider going back to branding their cattle again!
     The news report mentioned that the rustlers were caught.  No doubt the sheriff rounded up his posse, hunted the culprits down and threw them in the hoosegow..............but you'll get that in a small town!
 

Redneck Grammar

     I saw this in our local want ad paper that comes out once a week. It is a collection of for sale and want ads that appeal mostly to the male population. My husband picks it up at the local parts store every week.  He loves searching through it for some bargain he thinks he could fix up and make it worth a whole lot more than he paid for it. It is humorous to peruse and see all the ads for guns, pickups and hunting dogs.
     Below is an ad that caught my eye. It is from a local specialty gun shop.  Can you spot the two mistakes?

      
     Now, if I would have mentioned the title of this post in our area ("Redneck Grammar"), someone may have thought I was referring to his granny who lives out in the sticks and rarely comes to town. But, no, I'm talking about good old fashioned spelling and pronunciation...and you don't always get that in a small town!

Only in the Country #3

     As my family was driving across Iowa yesterday we saw an amazing, stop-the-car-and-take-a-picture sight. It was a rather large group of bald eagles feasting on what looked like a deer carcass.

 

There is something about seeing an eagle that makes me feel so patriotic, and seeing a whole flock of them together was just such a great sight. I kept telling my kids that they would probably never see anything like this again in their lives.

 

 

We did a little research today and discovered that a grouping of eagles is officially titled a "convocation". 

 

 

 

When we had first stopped, we counted about 30 of them gathered there. The highway traffic didn't seem to bother them.  The longer we watched, the less there seemed to be.

 

 As the meat disappeared, so did the convocation.............but you'll get that in a small town.

 

Culture Clash

Two cultures came to a head this morning in our sleepy little town. 

'Wonder what they're saying?

 

 

"Is this how it goes up, Elmer?"

   

"Yah, dat so, Amos"

 

 

"Here we go!"

 

"Whoa, ain't never been this high up before!"

 

"Careful there, Elmer, there be a truck coming."

 

 

"I think we got the hang of it!"

 

 

 





"Do yah tink the bishop'd let us get one of these here contraptions?"

"Nah, Amos, it be too worldly."

 

.....but you'll get that in a small town.

Granny in a Grain Truck

    

     We met at the four-way stop the other day.  She waved a beautifully manicured hand. She was sitting high in an International grain truck, laden down with freshly harvested grain, headed for the elevator.  I had noticed earlier that there was a long line of grain trucks waiting their turn to be checked and weighed.  She knew what was ahead of her, but still, she smiled.
     This was a tough year for the farmers of our area.  We went for over 3 months with very little or no rain. Though it was an inconvenience to most of us wanting green lawns and healthy gardens, it spelled trouble for those who rely on the weather to help make their living.  Funds would be limited due to the extremely small crops this year.  This lady had very likely been through years like this before.  She knew that there were no extra funds to hire help and so, she was the help.
     I imagined what life must have been like for the  young couple many years ago.  It was probably fun for the newly married farmer to teach his wife how to drive a straight transmission; she, the willing learner; he, the patient teacher.  He may have made the first delivery with her, showing her the ropes of where to maneuver the big truck on the scales and what to tell the operator.  He most likely went in and introduced her to the workers. Her first trip alone may have been a worrisome one for the farmer, anxiously awaiting her return.  As the years passed, she became his trusted helper, always available to help when an extra hand was needed. She was proud of her part in the work of the field and filled the gaps when she could.  They kept together during the tough times, knowing that things would always get better.
     Today, she is still that proud worker.  Her perfectly coiffed hair and beautiful smile tell the tale of a lady, happy to be who she was meant to be. No need to find fulfillment elsewhere, her man is her job!  Pleasing him pleases her.  She grew up with the old time values that gave her the strength to stand by her man through thick and thin. 
     You go, granny!  Keep grinning and grinding those gears!  You are an inspiration to those of us who are also trying to keep the old time values and keep our men happy.  I'm glad that I had the privilege of seeing that granny in a grain truck........but you'll get that in a small town.

Redneck Computer Lingo

     Just for laughs: REDNECK COMPUTER TERMS

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco Dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARD COPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - how a real bad headache feels
MODEM - What you did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
LOG ON- what you do when it is cold
LOG OFF- it's gettin' too hot in here

         ..................you'll get that in a small town!

Couldn't Resist.....

We are voting for a new sheriff in a month. I've seen these signs up all over town and couldn't resist sharing this with you:

 

 

        I absolutely love small town names.  It seems like we rural people love to pick unique names, and then when the child grows up they seem to pick an occupation that matches it (for instance, Dr. Molar was a dentist!!) Nicknames are a big part of life in a small town.  You hear them often on the radio when they read the obituaries.  I wondered if he tried coming up with a campaign slogan: "Vote for Digger.....", but what rhymes with "Digger"?   Bigger?  'Figger (as in "I figger on votin' fer this candidate..)?  The livestock trailer really is appealing, too...but you'll get that in a small town.